Bamburger

So after that disgusting, pitiful burger last friday, I decided I needed to drown out that taste with another burger asap.  Coincidentally, Tim messages me yesterday and suggests for me to go to Bamburger at Yonge/Eglinton.  I've seen it on blogto for best cheeseburgers, so I expected another older style burger joint. To our astonishment, it looked like this:

Am I in the right place?

It had such a nice ambiance that I wondered if I'm supposed to eat my burger with the knife and fork placed in front of me. When I first started this blog, I told myself I wouldn't critique the setting, but its too hard to resist.

pretty...

The menu had so many delicious choices of condiments and toppings but there's only so many you can get without doubling the price of your burger. I settled on classic cheese with sauteed onions on the bamburger and frand had the buttery mushrooms and brie on the bambamburger.  On the side, we got creamy horseradish, chipotle mayo, garlic mayo, curry, and mango chutney as per Tim's recommendation. But I didn't like the mango chutney.

ironically I wanted Indian food earlier in the day, but combining the two didn't work out

The bamburger was a satisfying 5.5oz at $7.95 while the bambamburger was an overwhelming 11oz at $11.50 before adding toppings. It comes with a side of fries which you can upgrade for salad, onion rings, or yam fries for $1.  Being lame as I am, I felt like eating a caesar salad for some reason... Yes I know, you don't win friends with salad. :(

Going back to the burger, the meat was juicy and thick, but the bun wasn't toasted. Surprisingly I didn't mind, because the patty was cooked at such a high temperature that the homemade bun got warm from the patty.

definitely deserves the bambam title

Usually brie cheese doesn't melt too well on a burger, but this time my friend, the brie oozed out. See, I normally give a more irrelevant review when the burger did not thrill me enough for a good review, but this one was just that great.  So great that I even got dessert, and I don't even like desserts much (except for souffles and ice cream). It was only $2.95 for this petit trio of brownie, sundae, and apple pie.  Such a good price for the perfect portion of sweets for my non-sweet tooth.

I can't believe I'm raving about dessert

Conclusion: Bamburger is definitely two thumbs up if you want to take your date to eat yummy burgers at a nice place.  But if you're poor and lonely- well you can still go, but I'd recommend Apache Burgers for now... until I find a cheaper and more delicious burger.

Chef Burger

So after deliberately hitting three big names in a row, I came across this sign in my little suburban (boonie) town and decided to give it a try.  You would not believe it- the man who made my burger (whom I presume is the owner) was an exact doppelganger of the little mascot on the sign.  Except he was brown.

making your sign look like yourself might work better if you're actually good looking

All the well-known, old-school burger places tend to be sort of... old, seatless, and "ghetto", and Chef Burger looks more like a coffee shop that grills burgers. Since I was going with Melissa, I figured she might feel more comfortable to not have to eat standing and not have to go somewhere that she'd be embarrassed to walk into.  This girl is into fashion and that weird stuff, so I made her my first burger model. 

burger and model, oh the irony.

To start things off, they use McCain fries and their idea of napkins are Royale tissue boxes at every table. I also felt like we were at Subway or hotdog stand as our topping choices included lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles, and of course, cucumbers, olives, green peppers, parmesan cheese? Dressing choices were ketchup, mustard, relish, and.... wait for it.... Sriracha, aka the hot sauce for pho. 

Sriracha will one day realize that these guys are better friends than ketchup and mustard

As requested by Karla, I'll provide an in depth review no matter how shitty the burger is. We shared a 10oz "Super burger" which cost $10.99 with a can of coke and a dish of McCain fries.  The bun was dense and thick and cold.  The "homemade" patty was nothing to complain about, but smaller than the bun. It was messy and that expensive price doesn't even come with cheese nor bacon.  It was wishful thinking that I'd find gem in a hick town, when all I discovered was crap.  *sad face*

it sucked.

Boston Pizza

During the time when I used to work at BP, the burger was introduced.  We all thought it was ridiculous- who goes to Boston PIZZA for a burger? Apparently, a lot of people. This was during the time where I had absolutely no craving for burgers and refused to eat them from casual dining franchises but decided to try it anyway.  The meat was definitely juicy, tender, flavourful, and had since become a huge hit among the customers.  By juicy I mean... greasy.  Here is a secret (ok it’s not a secret but it’s one of those things that you never think about and when you find out it becomes a huge shock): the burger is not grilled; it is baked on a tray with wax paper. BAKED.  

though this may be "conventional", it's sure as hell not proper for burgers

The cheese also does not melt properly unless you request it because after all, those kitchen boys are just young line cooks who follow shitty instructions on how to make a burger.  I know I know, I’m just bashing because I don’t work there anymore.  But every single American casual dining pretty much has a burger on their menu and they all taste the same so BP only gets blogged about because a) I used to work there and b) it actually tastes greasily different than the other chained restaurants. It definitely is not the typical beef- it's spiced up with other things that I don't have the ingredient list for. However, if you’re stuck at BP wondering what to order and you don’t want pizza, go for the burger because the pasta sucks.  

yam fries *thumbs up*

Real McCoy Burger and Pizza

I gave up on counting after my second experience since it seems like there will be many more to come and I probably can't count much higher than that. This is my first time at a real take out place with not a chair nor table in sight.  I've heard good things about this little joint, the Real McCoy in a ghetto plaza at Markham Rd/Ellesmere. I got the $5.95 MOJO burger - an 8oz fresh-never-frozen burger with cheese and fresh bacon.  I thought that the beef was juicy and the bun was tasty, but...ok you know what I'm just gonna write frand's review on this burger.

but I'm really happy for ya

A good 10% of the burger was burnt (which I guess was okay because this 8oz felt much more filling than other 8oz burgers), the bacon was 30% burnt, and the cheese was nowhere to be found. The sandwich artist put the condiments on the bottom bun instead of the top bun, to which frand frowns and explains that the meat should be on the bottom so that it hits your taste buds first. And that the poutine was very mediocre.  But I don't care for poutines.

my lettuce likes it on top

He also suggests that perhaps the charcoal burnt style of grilling is just not his preference (I'll show how to man the grill once it gets warmer). I'm looking forward to trying Burger's Priest, which I've heard uses a flat top and hopefully it reduces the risk of that burn problem. Nonetheless I personally like to think that the meat almost had it, since it was still juicy despite being burnt to a crisp on the sides. But its a no. Onwards we go!

The fast `fast-food`chains

I can`t omit the burger lords which once started off as a mere burger stand, made it big (for a good reason) and now get ridiculed as multi-million dollar sellouts.  Here are my [biased] opinions of six popular and abundant burger restaurants in the GTA.  Yes I'm aware, we have some rising stars that are not on this list because they're going to get their own little newbie article. This one is for the oldie's.


Mcdonald's
I have too much yet nothing to really write about the golden arches.  It is simply amazing, and even Pharrell agrees.  Sing it with me! Big mac, filet-o-fish, quarter pounder french fries... He failed to mention chicken nuggets though.  Ok sorry I got sidetracked.

so here's a mcgangbang

A&W
I believe that A&W is the most underrated burger restaurant.  Seriously.  No one thinks about A&W, but when someone says "hey A&W is pretty good," everyone nods in unison.  The only reason why I discovered this amazing burger is because I'm a poor student who can only afford either a baby burger or two mama burgers for $4.  These burgers lack condiment, allowing you to really taste the beef and the buns.  I was initially confused about why they tasted good, and I realized - they (salted) butter and toast their buns!  I don't quite understand the hierarchy of the family burgers but everyone else gets condiments (teen, papa, grandpa, etc) and they then become another ordinary burger.  Must be the tomato.

how can you say no to this bear

Burger King
I don't know a single person that ever craves BK.  I know people that like their chicken burger or their poutine, but never the Whopper.  I've personally tried it a few times just out of curiosity because the advertisements are everywhere and hated it all the times.

 is this face supposed to entice me to eat?

However in Miami, I recall seeing these BK ads all over - Whoppers paired with ice, cold beer.  It's a marketing ploy - beer makes everything beside it look more delicious! I think if Ontario allowed for a more attainable liquor license, sales would increase exponentially.

 maybe this beer will help flush down the disgusting burger as if it tasted ok

Wendy's
I don't really like anything from Wendy's either except for the loaded baked potato.  I thought the baconator looked good on TV but it was so bland in my mouth.  But at least I know quite a few friends that prefer it.  

they were the same friends that like gingers.

Harvey's
Unlike everyone else, they forgot to get a mascot to appeal to kids. It's ok, because they attract Canadians, right?  note: I totally wanted to add an "eh" there but that would've been completely cliche and not funny.  Their target market is probably adults anyway, as we all know about Hooker Harveys. Somehow I don't think "have it your way" is enough of a marketing slogan.  The most exciting thing about Harvey's when I was little was getting to choose the neatly setup condiments going on your burger, but I swear they've gotten stingy, and they're just part-time employees!

I take the stingy statement back

I had once really liked their burger and onion rings, but they are easy to grow out of.  There's something about the aroma or flavour of the beef that you can't eat too much of.  


Licks
I hear Lick`s was once good back in the 80`s, but what incentive do I have to go there when I can buy the patties from the groceries and grill the burger myself?  I can man the grill! To be honest, I haven't had Licks for five years but it wasn't a memorable experience anyway.

Second Experience: Apache Burgers

I got out of the car and got a little excited after the long drive to Etobicoke.  Wait, she tells herself, I can't have these high expectations of popular, obscure burger joints that everyone seemingly likes anymore! What if it turned out like last time? note: last time was just yesterday

oh noez, these pretty neon lights are seducing me!

The burger joint totally reminds me of a 70's look - cuz really, I would know how the 70's looked right? I barely even know what the 80's look like!  I suppose movies give us young'ns an idea though.  

I ordered the $5.34 banquet burger: 4oz patty with cheese and bacon on a kaiser; frand orders the $6.79 apache burger: essentially a double cheeseburger on a kaiser.  Definitely not bad prices- which was when I decided that it is imperative for me to get a milkshake.  "But you're sick!" says frand.  "No!" I exclaimed, "I must get a chocolate milkshake!" 

the burger oozes its cheese out like a seductive pheromone 

It was 3:30pm and to my surprise, the burger artists still do not get a break, as people continuously walk in.  I bite into my burger and got too much bun on the first bite.  I went for it on the next bite and the flavours explode in my mouth.  It still was not quite the thicker patty I long for but the meaty goodness, juices, and the oozing cheese with the subtle taste of onion and their homemade bbq sauce just hits a homerun (bases however, not fully loaded for you baseball fanatics). I look over at frand and his face shows of overzealous for the gooey, melted cheese.  

In conclusion: great burger, great price, would come back had it been at a closer location.

First experience: Golden Star

I'm going to blog while the onion taste is still fresh in my mouth.  I'd hate to use the word overrated, since y'know, people and their confounding variables like "didnt get a good chef" or "wrong time of the day".  Whichever, I'm probably not going to go back for a little while even if I give them the benefit of the doubt, because it doesn't have potential to be my perfect burger.  
On the menu there were hamburger, cheeseburgers, etc.  Then I saw it: the "all-star homeburger." It had to be it.  

I swear the word "cheese" was in "allstar"

Where's my cheese??? Ok fine, perhaps $5.95 isn't so much where cheese is mandatory, but how can you name it allstar without cheese?  The reason why I say it doesn't have potential is because the patty was so unbalancingly wide and thin, making it unenjoyably difficult to eat.

I make my own words cuz I'm now a blogging hipsturrr who thinks I'm too cool

It wasn't "dry" but it was definitely overcooked.  It seems to me that whoever made it just left it sitting on the broiler until I ordered it, based on how charred it was and how quickly my burger got to me.  They made it faster than Harveys!  

Now, I'm not quite [yet] the burger connoisseur, but I do have a preference: THICK, MEATY, JUICY PATTY.  However, the patty seemed to have this subtle nice flavour to it along with their homemade bbq sauce.  Overall, I rate this burger as average as any old burger you find at Wimpys or something.  

P.S. I think tomatoes ruin my burgers.  Never again.

Heart Attack Grill

So before I go off about all the fine (or crappy) burgers I've tasted, I'd like to talk about one that I'd like to try. I happened to be reading the news a few days ago and found out that the spokesperson for Heart Attack Grill has passed. Blair River was a young fellow, only 29 years old, but he was fat as fuck. Yet ironically, the 575lb man did not die from a heart attack according to sources, but possibly from pneumonia. Let's just like to take a minute to commemorate Mr. River; I would've liked to meet him.

He's doing better than you in the girls department.

If you have ever tried to google "heart attack grill," you might be just as confused as I was and think that the "I'm feeling lucky" results have been google bombed.  The first result says "Comm Healthcare." No.... that can't be it... can it? Health? That's not what I'm looking for, you stupid search engine! I wanted a greasy, thick, fatty burger fried in lard!  Like the picture of the dream burger in my previous post (which is in fact, heart attack grill's quadruple bypass burger).  Oh wait, what's this?

Or perhaps he IS a health practitioner... 

"Dr" Jon found the Heart Attack Grill in 2005 when writing a marketing thesis about fitness studios. He became inspired by stories about his clients cheating their diets and voila! Screw fitness, everyone's gonna become a fatass anyway, so let's encourage it even more!  At this burger joint, they advertise that if you weigh over 350lb, you get to eat for free. They probably hand out way too many free burgers already, since 55% of Americans are overweight and a quarter are obese, and it is estimated by 2020 that two-thirds of the world's diseases will be noncommunicable and related to diet (Chopra et al., 2002).  


Yes, I do cite my writing and I'm not [completely] talking out of my ass.  As a nutrition major, I do fear that my probable fate will be like this once-fitness-promoting-turned-obesity-encouraging-man. I see myself giving up on humanity and succumbing to this 8000 calorie burger (which I don't think that burger actually has that much) since no one adheres to their dietitian's meal plan anyway.  Oops, it seems like the nutrition part of me is yearning to shut down this blog but hey, tasty, juicy meat will always defeat vegetables.

The first post

Welcome to my first-ever blog!  I understand that my blogging skills are quite novice but by the time you read this, it must mean that you are so intrigued by my incredible writing that you decided to keep pressing older posts until you hit the end.  Here's a little background on why I started (since blogging is totally not my thing): *insert snore emoticon*


I recently had a craving for burgers after a 4 year hiatus of not eating any burgers except for Big Mac's. Nothing beats Mcdonald's, but that would make my blog pretty boring wouldn't it?  I started exploring some of the newer, trendier, fast food burger joints (which in fact are not very fast at all) and reading reviews. BlogTO claims Craft Burger is #1, - I beg to differ - but I will post my own review on it later.  Since I started talking about burgers so much within the past week, my frand suggests [numerous times] that I make a blog, probably so that I can rant somewhere so that he doesn't have to hear anymore of it even though I'm going to make him eat burgers with me now.


Of course being a student on a tight budget I'm not going to be THAT adventurous, like mbrgr's $100 burger? I'd rather have my foie gras not on my burger thanks.  Yet I don't mind trying this ...when I find a job.  As you can see, clearly the burgers in the past week that I've had did not satisfy my burger craving, so I assume that my blogging phase will end when I find a burger that can live up to the name "the perfect burger."  

This might do the job

I'd also like to add that while toppings are nice, the MEAT is the most important part. And sauce. Like how mac sauce is bomb. And Hero sauce. So if you're ready, follow me and watch me gain 10lbs a month from eating burgers!  


P.S. Supersize Me was a great documentary.
P.P.S. Please excuse my poor photography as I cannot afford a decent camera
P.P.P.S. My doctor just told me that my cholesterol levels were good!!! Time to eat more burgers!!!